well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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