I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
