if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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