highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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