This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
