are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
