Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Randomize
