My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
