My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
