I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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