Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
