I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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