Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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