if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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