I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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