I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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