You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize