Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
