We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
