no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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