i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
