I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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