Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize