i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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