On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
