So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
