left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
