I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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