I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
and you fell through a lawn chair
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize