i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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