So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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