Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
