You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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