Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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