Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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