wanna go halves on a baby?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
