Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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