Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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