Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
