If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
