And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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