There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
