she takes plan B like it's going out of style
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
