Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Someone came in the potted fern
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
