I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
