What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
