im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
