p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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