Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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