You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
