exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
