Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
