so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
