His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
