I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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