Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Buhtt sex?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
