I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
