When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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