70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
