I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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