I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
