At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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