I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize