somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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