How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
