Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
