think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
