AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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