Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
