Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
please come you make the beer taste better
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
